Archive for the ‘SPARK – the newsletter’ Category

 

• Relax together with Mini-Retreats.
• Write a note of appreciation.
• Share a positive memory of your relationship with your partner.
• Laugh together.
• Ask about your partners needs and offer your support.

We often are not aware of the impact of our words and actions on the quality of our relationships. However with greater awareness we can come to a place of choice and begin to nurture our relationships.

This year instead (or in addition to) chocolate, celebrate Valentine’s day in a special way: with a one-hour partnership coaching session. You will discover your own style in the relationship and learn to focus on the strengths you bring to the partnership.   Call 604-484-0389 to book your one-hour partnership coaching session this month for $149 only and receive a complimentary e-book The Mini-Retreat Solution!

One of my favorite things to do is to browse through local thrift stores looking for curiosities. It is such a joy to find something precious and special that I can bring back to life, make useful again and enjoy.
 
Having recently moved, you can imagine that I have been thoroughly enjoying this activity, seeking out great things to decorate my new home. Today, I came across a white cloth. I wasn’t quite sure if it was a table cloth or a sheet for a bed, so I asked the lady standing next to me what she thought it was. She replied, “It is what you make of it, just like life.”
 
She went on to explain how she had raised three kids on her own and had become very creative in the process. Often she bought clothes for the kids that had a stain which she hid by sewing on a little decorative bunny or bumble bee. Her kids loved those pieces of clothing the most. I ended up not buying the cloth, but I left the store feeling richer for the heartfelt connection with this resourceful lady. Her words of wisdom resonated deeply with me.
 
As this year comes to a close, set aside some quality time to reflect on your own life.

• What have you created throughout this year?
• What were your wins?
• What have you learned?

• What do you need to let go of to stride forward?
• What do you want to take with you as you stride forward?
• How will it serve you in 2010?

It has been interesting watching the flu epidemic develop over the last couple of months. While the media focuses on protection through flu shots, disinfection and avoiding personal contact, there is another more pro-active approach to staying healthy this season. Its all about taking good care of yourself and making sure your immune system is functioning at its’ best.

Many of my clients have been wondering why they feel tired and have a hard time focusing lately. The most obvious reason that’s often overlooked, is that with a reduced number of daylight hours, we are now in a darker time of year. We are accustomed to functioning at the same high level of intensity throughout the year. However following the natural rhythm of the seasons, this lack of sunlight prompts us to take the time to slow down, contemplate and retreat.

Taking Mini-Retreats is good for you all year round. However, in the darker season, it is especially important to give your body a chance to relax and refresh several times throughout the day. You will be able to focus better and give your immune system a boost.

Mini-Retreats for the Season:

Get Comfortable Inside

Take a moment to think about what you most enjoy about being inside, when the weather is cold and wet? What are some of those treats that just make you purr inside? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Cozy up with a nice cup of herbal tea before going to bed.
• Read your favorite novel as you listen to the rain falling outside.
• Cook a nice meal at home and enjoy it.

We need more sleep during the winter season; there is less energy available through sunlight and warmth. Our bodies naturally are in resting mode throughout the darker season. Make it a habit to go to bed earlier, so your body has more time to regenerate and your immune system is in better shape to fight viruses and bacteria.

Have Fun

Take a moment to think of all the things that bring you joy. Write them down. Then look at your list and identify three things that you can incorporate into your day. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Listen to your favorite music on your commute.
• Share a funny story with a friend.
• Think of ten great things about the winter season…and then enjoy some.

The weather can be depressing in the winter: less sunlight and warmth, more rain, cloudy skies and cold. It is especially important to do Mini-Retreats that bring you joy in this time of year to boost your emotional well-being and thereby boost your immune system.

Stay Active

Ask yourself, what kind of movement you enjoy most. How you will feel once you have done it? Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Do some stretches at home or in the office.
• Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
• Put on your favorite music and dance for a few songs.

Winter is the time to retreat and you might feel less inclined to move your body. Don’t push yourself to meet your highest fitness goals in winter. Most new year’s resolutions in regards to fitness fail because this is simply not the best season to push your physical limits. However, move your body a little every day in a fun way and you will feel the difference.

If the flu bug bites despite all your preventative efforts, your body will be in better shape to heal. So, you really can’t lose.

As you know by now, I have been working hard to get my book ready for publication. It’s been an exciting process – but it’s presented me with more than a few head-scratching moments.

When the time came to choose a title, I felt like a new mother choosing a name for her baby! It had to feel just right. After working through a list of ideas with my trusted advisers, I decided it was wise to test my top three ideas with you, my audience.

In the quiet corners of my mind, though, I was quickly falling in love with one choice: From the Pressure Cooker to the Teapot. This title arose in a workshop I conducted for a Vancouver law firm, when a participant used these words to describe the effect Mini-Retreats had on her.

I loved the imagery; it felt so right! But, like I said, it seemed wise to test it in the marketplace, so I created a book naming contest, and did some online testing.

Imagine my surprise to find that my love affair with this title was not shared by my readers! Hardly anyone chose it from the short list of options. As my surprise passed, disappointment and confusion set in. What now?

I have to admit, I thought about using my favorite choice anyway. I loved it that much! Besides, I should honor my heart more than dry statistics and logic anyway… right?

A conversation with my father helped me find some clarity and direction. He pointed out that my relationship to the Pressure Cooker title was rooted in the workshop where it was born and the conversation that inspired it. Without that context, readers didn’t quite get it.

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He went on to explain why people (himself included) really liked the title The Mini-Retreat Solution: it sounds positive and makes people want to know more. Once they read the sub-title, How to Relax & Refresh – Anytime, Anywhere, it all makes sense. People know exactly what the book is about and what it can do for them.

When I hung up the phone, I went back to the test results and realized that my father’s insight was congruent with the contest results and online market research. The struggle was over and my book was named.

I experienced once again how important it is to explore the task at hand from several different perspectives. It helps us see more possibilities, not just one.

Even when you feel very excited about a potential solution, it’s wise to collect input – especially when heading into the marketplace. When we fall in love with our ideas, we get so invested in them that we can be blind to the bigger picture.

I encourage you to sit back and take a moment:

• Ask yourself: “What ideas have I fallen in love with?”
• Jot down a quick list. It might include a new career path that seems very exciting, a marketing angle for your business, or your idea of the perfect car.
• Now ask yourself, “Where can I get some other perspectives on this? Who would be a good person to talk with about this?”
• Reach out to people you respect who may not share your perspective and listen closely to what they have to say.
• Chances are you’ll walk away with new insights, even if you choose to stick with your initial decision.

This is one of the greatest things about coaching: it offers a safe space to explore new ideas and perspectives. It’s a shortcut to better decisions, stronger actions and more peace of mind.

Please feel free to share your learning and comments with other readers by making a comment!

Most people who read the SPARK and come to coaching do so because they want to make a change in their career, performance, relationships and/or personal life. Getting clear on what you truly want and striving for it is empowering, energizing and truly life changing.
 
However, in the process of building the life we want, it’s easy to miss out on the beauty that is all around us. We can be just like a mountaineer, intensely focused on the summit – but missing out on the spectacular view and sweet berries along the way.
 
At times, it is important to slow down, rest, take in your surroundings and appreciate all the things that are part of your present moment.
 
When you pause on your own personal mountain-climbing adventure, you may notice that your feet are sore, your body is weary, you need water and food, and your longing to reach the top is intense. Simply accept all these sensations as part of your current reality.
 
When you stop resisting these discomforts and simply accept them as part of your present moment, they magically diminish a bit. This is because resistance and avoidance actually make the pain worse, while acceptance soothes it.
 
Take a moment now to reconnect with your experiences of this moment:

• Take in the scenery around you, as if you were on a hike in the mountains.
• What are you seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting?
• What are your physical sensations?
• If you like, jot down the things you are noticing about your life in this moment.
• Now, relax and allow yourself to fully accept this snapshot of life, just as it is.
• Recognize that this moment is a perfect part of your personal journey.
• Appreciate this moment, increasing your acceptance bit by bit, until you fully embrace what is here, now.

Please feel free to share your learning and comments with other readers by making a comment!

A well functioning team is like a symphony, each part working in harmony with the rest. Unfortunately, some teams don’t work that way at all!
 
So, what can you do if you find yourself in the midst of a team that makes more noise than music?
 
The first step is always to consider how you can change your own behavior, attitude or level of participation. Ask yourself, “Am I fully engaged in this team right now?” After all, you choose to contribute – or hold back – at every moment.
 
If you are unhappy with your teammates, don’t wait for others to change or do their share; stop keeping track of who did what. Can you imagine a soccer player, stepping off the field after scoring a goal and saying, “That’s it! I’ve done my share, now it is your turn!” A group of people becomes a true team when every individual is willing to do more than his or her share.
 
The ability to be a supportive member of the team is something that carries over into so many areas of life: family life, marriage, friendships, sports, workplace dynamics, neighborhoods and community.
 
Over the coming week, notice the different teams that you are a part of, and pay close attention to the level at which you’re playing. Is it time to step up?
 
Ask yourself:

• What does the team need from me?
• How can I build more harmony among the team members?
• Am I playing the best role I can – or am I settling for one that  feels safe?

Please feel free to share your learning and comments with other readers by making a comment!

On my journey through Chile, I visited the fascinating houses of poet and national hero Pablo Neruda. Stepping into his houses was almost like entering a dream. Pablo loved ships, and many elements of his homes were crafted to resemble the interior of a yacht: porthole windows, low and rounded ceilings, narrow hallways and staircases, and always a view of the ocean.
 
One of the pictures on his wall caught my attention; it was a collage he created, filled with the faces of people who inspired him. Some were deceased, some alive, some fictional, some real, some he knew intimately, some he had never met… and there was a photograph of him in the center.
 
Neruda certainly had a vivid imagination, but it served as a support system for him. I imagine he called on these people for advice and insight when he felt stuck in a writing project, faced an important decision, or simply felt alone.
 
When I returned home from my journey, I dedicated myself to finishing my book on Mini-Retreats (to be published this fall). Writing can be a lonely process, but one day, drawing inspiration from Pablo Neruda, I thought about inviting my support team into my office.
 
I started thinking of all the people who have inspired and supported me throughout my life. Then I thought about the powerful places in nature that give me strength. Once I had a list of names and places, I sorted through my personal photos and went online to track down some images of my heroes. The Dalai Lama, Georgia O’Keefe and Maude from my favorite movie, “Harold and Maude,” were easy to find. After lots of searching, I was also able to find images of my childhood trombone teacher and my high school choir leader. Along with images of valued colleagues, friends and relatives, my collage gradually took shape. Now, I have my support team with me in the office every day!
 
When I feel stuck, I often throw a question to my team. My imagination springs to life and I get the most amazing answers. I can’t tell you how many times this technique brought me new ideas and insights.
 
Remember, lots of people have touched your life – and they never really left. Their presence can still be felt in your heart, and you can still access their wisdom whenever you wish to.

How to Assemble Your Personal Support Team
 
1. Think of people who have made a positive impact on your life. Just like in Pablo’s collage, these people can be real or fictional, people you have met and people that you have read or heard about, people who have touched your life in childhood, adolescence or as an adult. Consider inspiring historical figures. You can even include plants and animals that generate good feelings for you. Select the supporters who give you the most positive reinforcement, inspiration and stimulation.
 
2. Write down these names and find images online or in your photo albums. (If you can’t find a picture, you can also simply draw their image or write their name.) 
 
3. Select a favorite image of yourself.
 
4. With scissors and glue, assemble these images with your picture in the middle.
 
5. When it feels complete, post your collage in a place where you will get the most support from it. This could be your workplace, or the space where you work on creative projects. I even carry a miniature image of my collage in my wallet so my support team is literally with me wherever I go.
 
By the way, your imaginary support team is not a substitute for your real-life support team: your coach, friends, family, colleagues and mentors. However, an imaginary team can be a great supplement to your real-life supporters, providing an emotional boost and fresh ideas whenever you need them.
 
Once you’ve built your collage and worked with your imaginary support team a bit, I invite you to share your comments and insights on my blog so we can learn and draw inspiration from each other.

My trombone teacher was a bold, courageous man who had escaped the dictatorship of Romania to play the trombone with the symphony orchestra. He had high expectations of his students… and I had a lot of self doubt.

Every time he put a new piece on the music stand and asked me to play it, I began by saying, “I can’t play this.”

Finally,he got quite angry and said, “Well of course you can’t right now, what do you expect? It is a brand new piece of music, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you CAN learn this. So stop whining and start learning.”

I was frightened by his anger, but his words sunk in. By saying and thinking “I can’t do this,” I was stopping myself from learning the instrument I loved so much. I had to ask myself, “Where else in my life am I holding myself back?”

When I shifted my perspective from “I can’t” to “I can learn” – with the trombone, with my classes, with anything new in life – things got a lot easier. I was able to learn the musical pieces much faster,and with more joy, and even the most dreaded classes at school became a bit less daunting.

The way we look at things really does shape our experience of the world around us. What belief’s are shaping your world? What perspective is no longer serving you anymore? What alternative perspectives might open up new horizons for you?

How to Shift Your Perspective:

1.Choose an area of your life that you feel stuck in. Explore the perspective you are currently holding and get a sense of how that perspective is making you feel.

2. Imagine some other ways to look at this situation. Explore as manyperspectives as you can think of.

3. From all the perspectives you can imagine, choose the one that seems most joyful and meaningful to you.

4. Identify an action that you want to take with your new outlook.