Archive for the ‘SPARK – the newsletter’ Category

A glass of wine is the perfect way to relax…or is it?

While having a drink seems to have a relaxing effect, in reality our senses are simply numbed by the effect of the alcohol.

As alcohol enters our bloodstream, we do not feel our internal tension and stress to the same degree.  Our felt sense while in this numbed state creates an illusion that we are more relaxed and less stressed. However, underneath the alcohol induced numbness, the same tension remains. In addition, your already tense, stressed and tired body now has to expend additional energy to process the alcohol, leading to that sleepy sensation that often follows the drink after work.

The good news is that there are many fun ways to relax in moments. Next time you feel stressed, tense and overwhelmed instead of pouring yourself a glass of your favourite alcoholic beverage, treat yourself to a Mini-Retreat:

• Wash Away Your Worries: when washing your hands, imagine your worries flowing down the drain with the water
• Think of Someone You Love: what is special about this person? recall a special memory, feel the emotion it evokes in you. 
• Move to the Rhythm: turn on music that resonates with your mood, move your body to the rhythm. Enjoy!

For more ideas, check out The Mini-Retreat Solution.

You may of course still enjoy a drink every once in a while, just don’t expect it to really help you relax!

Fall is in the air and as the birds are gathering for their migration south, I am preparing for my move west to the lovely city of Victoria on Vancouver Island.

Motivate the Elephant

3. “Shrink the Change”: Break down the change until it no longer intimidates the Elephant.  Lucia Terra, a reader of The Mini-Retreat Solution says: “I had always found I was too busy to take a break because I thought I needed to free one or two hours of my time. That almost never happened. With the “Mini-Retreat Solution” there aren’t any excuses anymore: even if you only have a couple of minutes, you can take any of the ideas presented in the book and take a break at home, at work or even during your commute!”

Shape the Path

4. “Tweak the Environment”: When the situation changes, the behaviour changes. Take a good look at your environment, your workplace, your home and your car. Notice the things in your environment that help you relax, appreciate them and keep them. Then take a second to notice the things that make you feel stressed and look at how you can eliminate or tweak those.

Here are a few examples that work well for me:

• I got rid of the alarm sound that announces a new e-mail in my in-box. It helps me focus on my work and I now check e-mail when I choose to. 
• I turn my phone ringer on mute every night before I go to bed. I am never disturbed in my sleep and check my messages in the morning when it’s convenient.

5. “Build Habits”: When behaviour is habitual, it’s “free” – it doesn’t tax the Rider. Look for ways to encourage habits such as setting action triggers. Here are a few examples:

• A post-it note on your steering wheel that says “relax” or “breathe”
• A reminder in your Outlook calendar
• Associate a specific activity with taking Mini-Retreats  (e.g. taking a shower, eating, washing your hands).

6. “Rally the Herd”: Behaviour is contagious; help spread it. Take Mini-Retreats together with your partner, family and friends. When my partner John and I are halted by a red light, usually one of us suggests “time for a Mini-Retreat”. We both laugh, smile at each other and relax. When you turn chores into Mini-Retreats and relax while doing the dishes or folding the laundry, family members around you will notice your calm energy and it will impact them in a positive way. When you relax while spending time with your kids, they in turn will be more relaxed and less cranky.

Let’s spread the Mini-Retreat way of life!

It is accepted and expected to be plugged in at all times, connected with a constant stream of information. Entering a coffee shop in this day and age reminds me of walking into the computer lab in my university days. Everyone is silently typing away on their laptops, i-phones and other electronic devices. Coffee shops used to be a place to meet and talk. They have become a place to communicate in cyber space.
 
During a short break at one of my workshop on Mini-Retreats, I noticed three participants standing close together, all of them checking their blackberries. When I asked why they were using their break in this fashion, one of them responded: “I don’t want to miss anything.”
  
So what do you miss, when you are afraid to miss out in cyber space?
 
You miss…

• Face-to-face and heart-to-heart connection with your family, friends and colleagues.  
• Opportunities to strengthen the relationships that matter most in your life and work.
• Time for reflection and creativity.
• Connecting with yourself, your dreams and your goals.

You really don’t know what you are missing until you press the “off” button(s) and take the plunge into life unplugged. This might be scary at first, however the rewards far outweigh the risks.
 
Great Times to Unplug:
 
Meal-Time
Make breakfast, lunch and dinner, electronic free time zones and eat your meal in gratitude without interruptions.

One of my clients created a family policy to keep dinner time free of interruptions. Her husband was reluctant at first, because he was scared of missing important business calls. Once they enjoyed a few meals together, he thanked his wife for suggesting the new rule. He now understands that business calls can wait on the answering machine. He actually feels empowered and more in control, now that he is answering calls on his schedule.

 
While Driving
Since you are no longer allowed to drive and talk on your cell-phone in British Columbia, many of my clients tell me how much they enjoy fun Mini-Retreats while driving: red-light relaxer, moving to the rhythm and singing along with your favourite music to name just a few. Do yourself a favour and make your commute a special time to unplug and relax. You will feel more energized when you arrive.
 
Your First Hour at Work
As part of coaching, I help my clients increase their effectiveness. One of the steps towards more focus is to spend the first hour at work unplugged, working pro-actively on a project. It feels fantastic to achieve substantial results when the day is still fresh. You get much more done and feel more in control of your day at work.
 
Your Vacation
With wireless internet and easy access to the electronic highway of communication, it may be tempting to stay connected while you are on holidays. However, the purpose of your vacation is to relax and recharge. Create an automatic reply message for your e-mail and voice-mail and enjoy a true vacation.
 
Once you get a taste for the quality of life without constant interruptions, you will naturally want to create more time for life unplugged. You may even choose to make life unplugged the priority and limit your time on cyber space to certain hours of the day. Enjoy!
 
Please share your experience with life unplugged with other readers and leave your comments here.

The reason they always mention in the airplane safety procedure that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first and then help your kids, is that this simple survival skill doesn’t necessarily come “natural”.

My friend Gwen shared with me that she recognizes in retrospect how very hard she was on herself through her working and child raising years. When she reached retirement, her immune system collapsed and she is still recovering. Relaxation and stress reduction are a huge part of the healing process. She wishes she had known about the importance of relaxation when she was in the midst of her career and child raising years and hopes that at least many mothers will learn from her story and integrate relaxation in their lives before stress takes a toll on their health.

The six-month old son of a dear friend was recently diagnosed with a tumor in his brain that needs to be treated. It is inspiring to see my friend’s optimistic outlook and witness her moving forward graciously. She says that her son reminds her to relax and enjoy the moment. Here are a few moments of joy she shared:

• a laughing fit when he first heard the word book,
• the joyful discovery of making sniffing sounds,
• his delight in feeling the first raindrops on his face.

Your Kids Are Teachers of Mini-Retreats
My friend Katherine shared with me that when she does all the household chores while spending time with her 15 month old daughter, she usually listens to the radio. “My daughter is usually content playing on her own for a while. One day, when I glanced at her, I saw her grooving to the rhythm of the music. What a great reminder for me to relax and enjoy the music in the midst of it all. I can get so focused on the task at hand that I don’t even hear the music. My daughter helps me come back to the present moment. It’s a gift!”

Mini-Retreats Inspired by Your Child
Take a moment to observe your child. Notice what your child is doing, learning or noticing. Participate in your child’s new discoveries or actions. Within seconds you will feel more relaxed and present.

My accountant, Diane, a mother of four, loves to treat herself with a soothing bath at the end of the day. Relaxing in her bath tub with candles and completely letting go is her favourite way to relax. Since I gifted her with The Mini-Retreat Solution her repertoire of relaxation techniques has vastly expanded. She now finds ways to take a mini-vacation in her mind several times throughout the day, even in the midst of tax season.

My designer Kirsten tells me, “My saving grace with my first child was to get out hiking with other mums. The babies usually just fell asleep and so we could have uninterrupted conversation, great exercise and fresh air. The forest and mountains are so good for the soul! We chose a specific day and time to start so that it was a scheduled part of our week. Rain or shine (or even snow) we went. If the weather was good, we’d bring a picnic lunch. If it was nasty, we did a potluck lunch at someone’s house to warm up, refuel and have some visiting time with the babies.”

Over the Easter weekend, I gathered ingredients for my beautiful balcony garden: fresh soil, planters and seeds. Gardening always brings me back to the basic principles of creation. It’s a joy to plant the tiny seeds and then watch them grow and develop into beautiful plants within weeks and months. In the summer and early fall, I know I will enjoy the flowers and fruit. It is truly amazing! This month’s story talks about the times when we forget about our creative power and start comparing ourselves to others. For me, getting my hands dirty and starting my balcony garden is a good remedy and reminder.

Comparisons, judgments, assumptions… we make more of them than we think.

In my university years, I shared an apartment with several other students. When Tanja moved in, I thought everything about her was perfect. She was beautiful, intelligent, fit and well dressed… everything I wanted to be. I felt like the ugly duckling in comparison.

At the time, I was going through a very rough patch in my life and was in counselling to work through my history. I was sure that everyone else – especially Tanja – had great friends and a perfect family, so I kept my distance and spent a lot of time in my room.

Finally, one night in the kitchen, my dinner schedule overlapped with Tanja’s. I didn’t want to stay in the kitchen… but I didn’t want to be rude. So I stayed and we talked.

She told me a bit about herself, about her family and about some of the struggles she was going through – like her battle with anorexia, which had put her in the hospital for several years, and her decision to never return to her family home.

As I listened to her, I was shocked to realize how far off my assumptions had been. I learned that day - it doesn’t serve to compare. It only creates distance between people.

We are all unique, but our fears and hardships are actually quite common. When we remember that, we find peace and comfort with each other.

Try this: think of someone in your life who you feel uneasy around. Picture them in your mind and say to yourself, “This person has felt struggle and distress, just like I have. This person is doing her/his best, just as I am.”

Do you feel a change toward him or her? From this place of compassion, send some good thoughts to this person. Then send some good thoughts to yourself.

Living in Vancouver is one of the many blessings in my life. What a joy to see my home and favorite city transformed in the spirit of celebration. I must admit, I wasn’t entirely looking forward to the buzz. As you know, I like my peace and quiet time. Once the Olympic torch arrived in town and the party began, I soon noticed how the celebration brought us all closer together. People talked to each other more often, offered to share their tables in local restaurants, and everybody was cheerful and proud to be part of the experience.

I believe we all have reasons to celebrate everyday and yet it is easy to forget and rush on to the next task. I encourage you to keep the Olympic spirit alive and celebrate daily! Give yourself, your colleague, your spouse, your child and your friends high fives for all the small accomplishments that easily go unnoticed.

One of the things I am celebrating this month: The Mini-Retreat Solution book sales have generated over $50 in donations for Big Sisters.  Until the end of March, 20% of all book sales will go directly to Big Sisters. Make a deposit in your own account of well-being and contribute to Big Sisters’ success at the same time. Get your copy of The Mini-Retreat Solution today. The Mini-Retreat Solution also makes a great gift for friends and family. One of my reviewers tells me that the three people to whom she has given the book love it and mention it every time they see her.

One of people I am celebrating this month is Pam. It’s been a tremendous joy to support her in her personal journey and see her go for gold and achieve her medal in form of creating and realizing her dream career (read Pam’s story).

 This month I am also celebrating the first live Mini-Retreat event in Vancouver! Please join us for an evening of Mini-Retreats on March 25^th at Juliet’s Room Organic Skin and Body Care. It is a lovely shop and the perfect place to relax and recharge. Please call 604-484-0389 to reserve your spot today, as space is limited.

 

• Relax together with Mini-Retreats.
• Write a note of appreciation.
• Share a positive memory of your relationship with your partner.
• Laugh together.
• Ask about your partners needs and offer your support.

We often are not aware of the impact of our words and actions on the quality of our relationships. However with greater awareness we can come to a place of choice and begin to nurture our relationships.

This year instead (or in addition to) chocolate, celebrate Valentine’s day in a special way: with a one-hour partnership coaching session. You will discover your own style in the relationship and learn to focus on the strengths you bring to the partnership.   Call 604-484-0389 to book your one-hour partnership coaching session this month for $149 only and receive a complimentary e-book The Mini-Retreat Solution!